Being a Mother is a
journey. Though there are countless books to "prepare you" and "guide you"...there is no road map that will be able to guide you through your personal journey as a Mother. Sounds scary?! HELL YA!! And for those who are already mothers, you know exactly what I mean.
But there is also nothing like it in the world...and for all the worry and sacrifice that one endures, Motherhood is more than WORTH IT!
Now that I have a 15 year old teen girl on my hands, and 12 year old preteen boy- I can look back and reflect on how I got to this point on my journey as a mom. I know that my job is far from done however, and there are more mistakes on my part to be made as I continue to muddle through raising my kids. But mistakes aside, here is some of what I have learned so far:
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Patience: though it has improved, it still depends on what day you catch me. However, I apologize to my children when this is on short supply- which often opens up the discussion of why I got upset in the first place.
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Talk to your kids: talk, discuss, relate, encourage, empathize, apologize, suggest, recall, debate, teach communicate. Try not to nag...it doesn't often work!
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Listen: sometimes we can easily get in the habit of talking so much to our kids that we fail to listen. This is equally as important. This is how we find out what they are frustrated with, how they problem solve, what they love, what they hate, what their worries are, what their hopes and dreams are...who is bullying them.
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Start young: don't "cross that bridge when you come to it", because often it's too late and they've already done it. This includes drugs, alcohol, sex, dating, picking good friends and partners, respecting themselves, accepting themselves, and keeping themselves safe. But it also includes exposing them to different experiences- and by this I do not mean having them in every lesson or activity imaginable. For the more serious topics, I often use the situation at hand to discuss important issues- sometimes it is a song, movie, or television show that allowed the beginnings of a discussion.
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Read to them: reading time is more than just reading said book. It is also more than aiding your child in future language and reading skills. It is a time for bonding, teaching, discussing, and exposing your child bit by bit to the world. I miss reading to my kids!
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Music: this I think is almost as important as reading to your child. It can soothe, calm and aid your child to sleep, but also encourage their imagination, creativity, and hunger for exploration. I exposed my kids to alot of variety. My daughter loved Pavarotti so much that I took her to his concert in grade two. My son growing up loved jazz. Those who play music tend also to be better at math. Simply listening to Mozart it seems connects with the brain on a different level (referred to as the "Mozart Effect").
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Teach empathy and kindness: This can be done in a number of ways depending on the age. Showing kindness to animals is always a great way to connect this way. As my kids were growing up and they came home complaining about kids at school, I often tried to get them to put themselves in the other child's shoes. Sometimes the annoyance of the day became an ah-ha moment, and from then on related to that child differently- showing understanding and patience to them.
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Stop and smell the flowers-literally:
Connecting with nature I think is important. Just like connecting with your family makes you feel part of something bigger than yourself, the same is with nature. Taking the time to notice the world around you makes your child feel more connected with the world- and instills that important "awe" factor that is an important tool in a happy life. Besides, it's good for you too!
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Set Boundaries, Give Independence: This plays into giving your children confidence in life, and sanity in yours. You may be a mother but you are not a slave either. (Slaves resent their masters.) If children can do things for themselves they feel proud of their accomplishments and are more secure- that
they can do it. (This is more apparent when they are young children however. This desire wains as teenage hood approaches.)
~Respect their intelligence: children are smarter than what we adults often give them credit for. Young children call it how they see it. So why don't adults give children the same courtesy?...Lying to your child to cover your mistakes just builds mistrusts and resentment (deadly in teen hood!). Sometimes we need to tone down or adjust the information given to the child according to the age or situation at hand; and then more information is given on the subject as the child grows. We adults don't like lying- we scold our children when they do so. Don't hold the double standard.
~Improve upon yourself: this is important not only for you, but your children. My son once asked, "Daddy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" He was perfectly sincere in his questioning, to which my husband replied- "I don't know yet, I'm still learning. And there are many things that I like to do." Embracing growth is important not only in our children, but in ourselves. It sets an example to our kids, makes us happier, sets boundaries, gives us independence from our kids, and keeps us sane that our lives don't completely revolve around kids. It could be joining a book club, taking a cooking class, or going to university if that is what you desire.
~Monster Spray: this began when my daughter was two. She was scared of the monsters that lurked under her bed, in the closet and in dark corners. When no amount of convincing would assure her, I developed Monster Spray. My monster repellent was plain water in an empty spray bottle with stickers on it. It worked perfectly. She sprayed it where she needed it, and she felt safe and in control. As she grew, the discussion of monsters changed to strangers. But as kids get older, we as parents gradually get too confident in their ability to protect themselves from the "monsters". This is when it becomes even more important to have good communication with your kids because the monsters may be anyone from an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, to the creep on the Internet posing to be your child's age. Inoculate your children with information, support and being approachable- and be a vigilant but not crazy overprotective wacko mom who gives their teen no privacy whatsoever.
~Forgive Yourself: No matter how organized, prepared, or informed you are, mistakes will happen. It may be that you lost your temper, forgot to pick your child up from school, or lost your child momentarily in the Dallas Fort Worth airport... Don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself. If you can improve upon the situation or learn from it, then do so. But there are times (like losing my daughter in the Dallas airport), when you have done all you could. (My daughter had crawled under the chairs in the gate terminal while I was reading the flight departure time on the tickets. I had her on a leash the whole time until we sat at our gate waiting for our plane, where she proceeded to hide and be silent while I called frantically for her. Thankfully a woman saw her hiding and pointed under my chair. I have lost my son numerous times too, though I had to be even more vigilant with him- he was more than a handful as a toddler and preschooler!)
I will leave you with this video link on motherhood that I thought was excellent.
And then just yesterday, having a bad MS day sitting on the couch, TV on, laptop running, trying to be productive...I am suddenly greeted again with Awesome. It was a commercial for Maxwell House coffee with the author Neil Pasricha. He spoke about how he never considered himself to be an optimist. Though his book is about embracing life's little moments and subtleties, he said he was not one for ignoring the bad moments in life. The bad moments need to be sat with and digested he says, but the good little things need to be noticed and appreciated too. I couldn't agree more. 
